amidst all this darkness

Contrary to all indications, I have not yet disappeared off the face of the Earth. After a very rough couple of years feeling like I was continually spiraling downward, I’m making some big changes. I am, at this moment, on a flight to Taiwan on a one-way ticket. Lest you think this is some half-cocked, depression brain insanity, I will also say that it was a decision I thought long and hard about, a plan that was months in the making, and it was an action I had an enormous amount of support and encouragement to take. And while I don’t expect a change of location to fix the chemical regulation issues in my brain, I do think the novelty will jolt me into producing two molecules of serotonin and dopamine to rub together long enough to make some other changes and pursue some other avenues to help me deal with my issues. For the first time in a long time instead of dreading every single thing I have to get out of bed for, I’m excited, and the things I need to do feel worth the effort to get them done.

On a note more relevant to this blog, I have not forgotten my fic, my characters are still often with me, and I’m hoping that as my internal landscape continues to brighten, I’ll soon find the mental space where writing feels like a thing I can do again. Until then, I can only apologize and thank anyone who’s stuck with me for their patience.

dalishcookie:

mllemaenad:

ominousdeer:

“Bethany probably smells like vanilla and could never hurt a fly”

so did these people actually play the game with her in the party or is she forever a cute dead little sister they only ever saw on other people’s edits

Bethany smells of sweat and leather and blood. On bad days, when a patrol has turned into a battle and before she can get to a bucket of water and some soap, she smells strongly of Taint.

Her brothers and sisters don’t seem to notice it: it is no part of a Warden’s duty to smell nice. For a while she notices, and resents it horribly. She had dreams of Hightown and fine gowns and a life in the sun and this definitely is not it. She tries rose water to mask it, once, but quickly regrets it. One day, in telling the story to Varric, she will describe the smell as ‘Imagine a Darkspawn got lost in a high class brothel …’ and he will steal the line. Eventually she becomes inured to it: this is her life, whether she chose it or not.

She makes darkspawn heads explode like overripe fruit; she flings their bodies into walls and into chasms, shattering ogre bones like toothpicks; she sets her enemies aflame and freezes the blood in their veins. She’s not a natural healer, but she does what she can for her injured comrades, or for the civilians who fall foul of a mob of 'Spawn. She’s always good with lost children, and she has no patience for the con men and charlatans that always trail in after a Darkspawn attack, with their ‘cures’ for Blight and their anti-Darkspawn charms. A few years in and they pack off running at the sight of her – she won’t use her magic on them, but she can ruin their business in two sharp words, and folk remember what a Warden says.

Every night she prays to the Maker, for forgiveness for her sins: for the sin of being a mage, for the sin of avoiding the Circle, for whatever she did to make Him curse her so many times and in so many ways. He never answers, but that’s to be expected. Her Warden brethren rely on her, people respect her, and the Chantry can no longer touch her. Stroud tells her, laughing and cursing, that he still owes Anders, damn him, after all – because she is far more than worth the effort. She’s proud and she has a purpose, and as time goes on she prays for other things instead. Pleas to the Maker to take her magic away would no longer be entirely honest, after all.

When she stands in the Gallows, side by side with her big sister, she is ready: power flows from her hands as her sister nocks an arrow. The doors splinter and break, and the butchers come charging in.

Templars fall like swatted flies. They fall to Bethany’s magic, Anders’s magic, Merrill’s magic, the magic of those Circle mages who dared to stand and fight. They fall filled with her sister’s arrows and Varric’s bolts. They fall to the swords and daggers of their friends. There are always more. It’s the story of her life, that whenever she thought she might be happy there were always more Templars, to remind her that she had to be afraid and that the Maker would never turn His gaze on her.

But Bethany is done with hating herself: she is a Grey Warden, and she is a Hawke, and she is a mage. It’s not the first time she has put her body and her magic between defenceless innocents and monsters. But the Darkspawns’ lives are ruled by the Song; they can’t help but be what they are. What excuse do the Templars have, for coming here to murder children?

She takes down one last Templar as the defenders retreat back to the dining hall. Then she sags, exhausted, against a wall as Aveline and Fenris bar the door to buy them a minute’s respite.

Sweat and leather and blood and fear are all in the air. But so are magic and family and freedom. They will save these people, just as she’s saved countless traders and travellers from Darkspawn. Bethany pulls the cork from her bottle of Conscription Ale, and takes a swig. It smells fine to her, but she laughs at the way her sister’s eyes bulge when she offers her a drink.

“Princess Piss,” she says proudly, as Big Sister Hawke chokes down a mouthful, and passes the bottle to Anders – who clearly knows enough to pinch his nose before he drinks. “It’s my own recipe, Sister.”

… Or, you know, something like that. :)

Yeeeess. Like…people always talk about how Bethany becoming a Circle Mage is the best choice for her, when in truth, it is really more a safe one. Bethany can stop being an apostate and hiding then, but never really faces her issues of self-loathing and insecurities with herself and magic, due to what she is. 

The reason why I love Warden!Bethany so much (more) is because the potential and her overall character development is much greater here. Since she is forced then to face the exact same issues head-on, can’t hide from them like she is more inclined to do in the Circle. Yes, she becomes embittered for a while, but she is able to move on past the initial bitterness and in effect becomes a better, more mature and stronger person in the end.

carabas:

leliaanaa:

leliaanaa:

leliaanaa:

dragon age is one of those franchises that sprawls over about 600 mediums so here’s a handy list of literally all of them, with links where i could provide downloads. if anyone has other links, or if i’ve missed something somewhere, feel free to add it on!

the games

• origins – the first one, the best plot, the worst graphics, decent mechanics for an old game, broadest character development, as good as people say [xbox 360, ps3, & pc]
• dragon age 2 – somewhere in the middle, smoother mechanics, deep rather than broad in terms of plot, world, & characters, better than people say [xbox 360, ps3, & pc]
• inquisition – the latest one, the nicest graphics, broad rather than deep, actively pretty shallow in areas, nice cc though, not as good as people say [xbox 360, xbox one, ps3, ps4, & pc, though not all dlc are available on last-gen software]

the dlc

• origins:
  
• various add-ons, notably the stone prisoner which adds the companion shale
• a tale of orzammar – prequel to dwarf origin [.dazip]
  
• the darkspawn chronicles – play alternate plot as a darkspawn
• leliana’s song – backstory for leliana
• the golems of amgarrak – added quest in orzammar for the warden
• witch hunt – sequel to origins involving morrigan
• awakening – the main dlc, adds a significant sequel to origins, introduces anders
• dragon age 2:
• various add-ons, notably the exiled prince (adds the companion sebastian) and the black emporium (adds magic item store, your own mabari, & the ability to customise your appearance after the beginning of the game)
• legacy – added quest in a new area, introduces corypheus
• mark of the assassin – added quest in a new area, also felicia day is there
• inquisition:
• various add-ons, notably the black emporium again, although no doggo this time :(
• jaws of hakkon – whole new area, multiple quests, explore the story of the first inquisitor & meet avaar, also there’s a bear
• the descent – whole new area, deep roads but they’re pretty now, lots of dwarf lore, hopefully introduces stuff picked up in later games?
• trespasser – the real ending to the game, why this wasn’t in the base game i’ll never know, it’s really good though like man, def introduces & develops stuff that’s gonna be important

the novels

• the stolen throne – prequel to origins, the orlesian occupation of ferelden, introduces king maric & develops loghain [epub]
  
• the calling – sequel to stolen throne, king maric, duncan, & the grey wardens, introduces fiona [epub]
• asunder – prequel to inquisition, the development of the mage-templar war, introduces cole [pdf]
• the masked empire – concurrent with inquisition, the orlesian civil war between celene and gaspard, develops briala [epub]
• last flight – concurrent with inquisition, develops grey wardens in the anderfels, hopefully introduces stuff that’s gonna come up later [epub]

the comics

• dragon age (idw comic) – prequel to origins, the daughter of a mage & a templar has a bunch of adventures, focus on circles & magic
• dragon age (penny arcade comic) – prequel to origins, a bunch of templars try to find the witch of the wilds [webcomic]
• awakening – prequel to the ‘awakening’ dlc, nathaniel howe breaks into his family’s home [webcomic]
• the silent grove – sequel to dragon age 2, alistair, isabela, & varric go on an adventure in antiva, there’s stuff involving flemeth & maric [online]
• those who speak – sequel to the silent grove, alistair, isabela, & varric in tevinter this time, isabela’s backstory is developed [online]
• until we sleep – sequel to those who speak, alistair, isabela, & varric still in tevinter, varric’s backstory is developed, maevaris tilani introduced [online]
• knight errant – concurrent with inquisition, an elven squire in kirkwall caught up in inquisition business [online]
  
• magekiller – concurrent with inquisition, two badasses hunting down venatori for the inqusiition, also the archon is there, also lesbians [online]

the short stories

• prequels to dragon age 2, companion backstories [anders, aveline, fenris, isabela, merrill, sebastian, varric]

the anime movie

• dawn of the seeker – standalone movie about cassandra pentaghast fighting some dragons, fills in her backstory, fun in places but mostly only for the truly desperate [dub, sub]
  

the tabletop rpg

• d&d style tabletop rpg in the dragon age universe, written pre-dragon age 2
• being played on ‘tabletop’ with chris hardwick, kevin sussman, & sam witwer [part one, part two]
• core rulebook [pdf]

the books

• the world of thedas 1 & 2 – books full of lore, character backstory, art of characters, animals, & areas, purportedly written by brother genitivi
• the art of dragon age inquisition – art book
• dragon age library edition – compilation of the comics ‘the silent grove’, ‘those who speak’, and ‘until we sleep’

the web series

• redemption – prequel to ‘mark of the assassin’ dlc for dragon age 2, a live-action series following tallis. thanks to @rrevan for the heads up! [youtube]
  

the text-based game

• the last court – digital card game following the marquis of serault, prequel to inquisition; thanks to @thirstyforred! [online]
  

And Warden’s Fall, web series following Kristoff before Awakening.

edenxrosey:

Inquisition destroyed his skin tone so I attempted to fix it on my lunch break aHa